Kureno's Funeral
by XXforget-x-me-x-notXX
Summary: No plot. At all. Just a random little one-shot.


**Random and slightly pointless introduction: **This is the result of lack of sleep and hatred of characters and ChipsAhoyPup's existence. Enjoy!! ^_^

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The preacher sighed sadly. "Kureno was loved, and will be remembered."

"HAHAHA, THAT'S THE BEST JOKE I'VE EVER HEARD!" shouted Shigure from the ground. He was oh so very sad about Kureno's untimely death.

"Shut up, narrator, I can hear you, and stop lying!" Shigure sobbed, trying to cover his sadness.

"I'm not sobbing," he denied.

"Stop that."

Fine, Shigure, I will. For now only.

"Leave Shigure alone," Mel said with an upset frown.

Mel was also very depressed since Kureno died. He was her favorite character, and she hated Shigure.

"Not true!" she protested.

Oh, yes, very true.

"But I love Shigure... And I hate Kureno..."

No, you don't, because I am the author and I can make anything happen.

And then, suddenly, Tohru spontaneously combusted and now it was a double funeral. Haha.

See what I mean? I can make LITERALLY anything happen.

"Oh! Can you make chocolate appear in my hands??"

Yes, Mel, I can. But will I? No.

"...Mean."

Yes. But that doesn't really matter since I control everything in the story.

The preacher glared up at the omniscient voice (a.k.a. ME). "Can we just get on with the funeral?"

Fine, fine.

The preacher blabbed on and on about some random crap that no one ever listens to. By the way, not a single eye was wet. Poor Kureno is so unloved. Not really "poor" him, because I hate him.

Akito fake sobbed. "I'll miss him!"

"Wait! They weren't supposed to know I was faking!"

I don't care, Akito. Deal with it, now everyone knows that you don't love him.

"Why the hell is TOHRU dead?" Kyo growled.

Because I want her to DIE. Kyo then randomly turned into a cat because I wanted him to.

"...Dammit," the cute little kitty cat sighed.

"Hey! I'm not a cute little kitty cat!" the adorable tiny kitten hissed cutely.

"AUGH!!!" the pretty little cat said.

Shigure laughed. "KURENO IS DEAD FINALLY!!!!"

He was oh so depressed that his lover died.

"Lover...?" Shigure said, acting like he was confused. Oh, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

"How did he die, anyway?" Yuki asked, curious because he wanted to learn how he can kill people. Like Ayame, for instance.

Well, you see, Shigure asked Mel to kill him... And Mel was happy to do it... And Kueno was decapitated and he ran in circles, like a chicken would.

"Haha, it was hilarious!!" Mel laughed, secretly overrun by guilt that was eating away at her soul.

"..." Mel was speechless, because she knew just how right I was.

"Wrong, creepy omniscient voice."

I am never wrong. Ever.

"Yeah, you're wrong all the time," Hiro said.

And then Hiro was dragged away by the people who work at the asylum. That one was for you, Mel.

"Yay! ^-^" Mel said happily.

Now, back to the actual plot of this story. They took the coffin containing Kureno's body out to the six-feet-deep hole that they would soon throw it in. Akito was still pretending be sad, hoping no one would realize that she was over joyed. Kisa was wondering where Hiro had gone. Wow, she's dim. Tohru had been put in a garbage bag and they figure they'd just toss her in with Kureno. Neither of them mattered anyway.

Mel grinned. "Kureno and Tohru are dead! VICTORY!"

Somewhere in the faraway distance, you could hear Hiro cheering about Tohru's death. He didn't really care whether Kureno was alive or not. Very few people did.

"Wait, what about Arisa?" Shigure asked. "What does she think about Kureno's death?"

Oh, yeah, thanks Shigure, I forgot about her. Well, you see, she and Kyo eloped in Vegas...

"WHAT?!?!"

Kyo, shut up. And now they have three kids and one kitten. haha.

"NOT FUNNY!!!"

I thought I said shut up, Kyo. So Arisa actually relieved that she doesn't have to explain all this to Kureno.

"I am NOT relieved!" Arisa protested.

Yes, you are. Because I said so. Now shut up, I hate you.

Anyway, Kureno and Tohru were thrown in the hole. And no one cared.

Except Hiro, Shigure, and Mel, who were overjoyed.

"You're finally getting something right, congrats!" Mel said.

Yes, I got bored of annoying you guys. Besides, I want to finish the story.

"Okay, I'll help you out. WHO WANTS TO CELEBRATE THEIR DEATHS??? Let's all go back to my house! I have a chocolate pool!!! ^-^"

And they all went to Mel's house, got drunk, swam in the chocolate pool, and by morning, they had all married each other.

And they all lived happily ever after. Except for me.

Why does the narrator NEVER live happily ever after? I wanna live happily ever after too! It's not fair, it's not fai-

**THE END.**

Hey, don't interrupt me!!

**I SAID, **_**THE END.**_

__Jeez, fine. Calm down.

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Well, that was weird, wasn't it?

Review, please?


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